[Listen]

 

[Radio Static]

 

THE REPORTER

 

Good afternoon, Witherburn. I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving, mine sure was interesting.  I truly didn't think about how my little message might change Thanksgiving politics, and I had just mastered the art of avoiding all the usual traps.

 

I did notice that my recording caused a lot of stir online. Many are calling for Sheriff Sinanger to speak on the issue, but the only thing he has said is that he has discussed the issue with the police officer from the recording, and this type of situation won't happen again. I don't know if I really believe him, listeners, especially with what happened with his daughter this week.

 

Which brings us to the major news stories. Tonight we will be talking about Miss Newberry's damning evidence against the mayor, the Christmas tree lighting, and the real story on Eva Sinanger. All that, and more coming up on Witherburn Afterschool News. 

 

[Theme Music]

​

Our first story is about the lovely Ms. Newberry and her gaggle of friends. Many have gotten used to the group of elderly ladies that sit around Ms. Newberry's porch drinking lemonade. They're practically a Witherburn monument at this point, and if you've been around here long enough, then you know nothing gets past them. And today, oh boy, today, they are sharing a biggie. 

 

Ms. Newberry reached out to me, which side note, shows that you're never too old to learn how to use technology. Anyways, she reached out to me after I released the police station recording. She claims that she wants to do what she can to fight corruption in this town, and that's why she contacted me.

 

Now, we know that groups such as the police are essentially in the clerk's pocket, I mean, the fact that their son isn't in juvie is proof of that.  There's another character that the clerks have tucked away, and that is Mayor Micheal Burnham. Now, this might not come as a surprise to some people. I mean, the Clark’s have presumably paid off Sheriff Sinangerr and the Principal.

 

Why should you be surprised about Burnham being added to this roster? It would certainly explain their weird construction project that definitely didn't have permits. Well, Ms. Newberry says it's more than that. It's about what they are paying him to do. See, Ms. Newberry has a photo of Mr. Clark and Mayor Burnham outside the mayor's office. In the photo, Mr. Clark is handing Mayor Burnham a wad of cash that must be thousands of dollars. Which feels really big for some building permits.

 

Miss Newberry showed me this picture and I can confirm that it is very real. Anyways, Newberry says that Mayor Burnham almost didn't accept the money. He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, “I don't need money.I'm loyal, I promise. He just hasn't responded to us yet. What if he never speaks to me?”

 

 Then Clark responded, “You just have to trust the process. This is a test, take the money to ease your nerves.”  What is the mayor hiding, listeners? I feel like that's the bigger part of this story. I mean, this is more than just getting land grants or letting them break a building regulation.

 

This seems more serious. What's the test and who are they trying to contact, I'll be honest? It makes me feel like they could be involved with Mafia type figures. Which is the last thing Witherburn needs. I don't know, listeners. This along with the police department is making me very wary about the people that are in power.

 

Also, please remember, Mayor Burnham saying he was loyal to the Clark’s, not Witherburn, when we have our next election. Seriously, don't vote for a scumbag who so blatantly takes bribes, but I can't change your mind, just like I can't change Aunt Joyce's. Dear Lord, that woman, I don't know if y'all have an Aunt Joyce in your life, but if you don't, congratulations.

 

Seriously, the whole time during Thanksgiving she was going on and on about vaccines and fake global warming and how the government is tracking us and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anytime someone would try to reason with her and bring up a little thing called facts, she would simply shut them down and call them brainwashed. Yes, Aunt Joyce, we are the brainwashed ones. 

 

What story is next? Oh, yes. The food drive. A Birdie has informed me about a canned food drive being run by Robin Hoffman. Robin is the amazing president of the student council and is running a food drive and she is encouraging you to bring cans, crackers, and other non perishables.

 

She also suggests you bring things like socks and hygiene products as well, every little bit helps. You might be wondering, where will all this food go? Well, it's being donated to the local food bank over in Magnolia as a way to help the less fortunate during these cold months. The donation box is right outside the library, it's bright green and red so you can't miss it.

 

Don't forget to raid your pantries and drawers and donate today. Now let's move on to the monster of the week, where this week, we're talking about vampires. Or at least, what Mr. Pickler considers vampires. I will give a warning listeners, this one actually gives me the creeps.

 

Mr. Pickler was apparently up late one night, when he heard a knock on his door. Now, I don't care if you believe in the supernatural or not, but when you live in these woods, you don't just answer the door late at night. I mean, it could be a spirit, or it could easily be a bear. No, Mr. Pickler decided he was going to look out the window personally, I would have just ignored it, but to each their own.

 

When he peeked out the window, he saw a naked woman in front of his door. A naked woman was out in that cold, but she was standing in front of his door, calm and normal, like it was a regular Sunday afternoon.  He then noticed something even stranger, her skin  stretched out and split. He could see small red cracks over parts of the skin that looked like they were being pulled taught.

 

He was trying to figure out what it was. He said it honestly looked like some kind of disease. As he was staring, she turned her head to look straight at him.  She then crawled up to- crawled up to  Mr. Pickler. Her face pressed against the window and he could see her soulless, bloodshot eyes and a smile that just seemed like, like it was stuck in that position. 

 

Mr. Pickler closed the blinds, but she asked for him to come outside. Mr. Pickler said he was grabbing his gun, and after that announcement, heard her run off.  After that, Mr. Pickler managed to go to sleep, don't ask me how after that encounter. Though, he woke up that night to a woman hovering above him with her jaw unhinged. 

 

He said it felt like he couldn't breathe, like she was stealing his lungs. until suddenly  she stopped.  Mr. Pickler then ran to the Spanish Moss Diner to tell Paige Market about his experiences. He claims that it was a vampire, she kindly suggested he go see a doctor.  

 

Now, I think we all know what this was, a nasty case of sleep paralysis.  Gosh, that's one of my biggest fears, not being able to move your body while horrors happen in front of you. No, thank you, no, I just genuinely think he needs to see a sleep therapist or lay off the melatonin, because that can apparently trigger sleep paralysis. The monster he saw, though, does bring up some creepy similarities to a creature called the Boo Hag.

 

The Boo Hag is a creature that comes specifically from the African American folklore of North and South Carolina. If the name didn't give it away, it's essentially another version of the hag myth, which is found all over the world. This hag has no skin of their own, which means they are completely blood red, so in order to blend in, they will steal people's skin. 

 

They don't just choose anyone. No, it's specifically the people that fight back when they try to steal their breath. That's right, they steal breath, they're essentially vampires, but for your air. Some legends even say they will steal your soul, too.

 

One of the creepier things is that they will keep you alive, but just barely, so that when you heal up, they can feast on you again. Over and over until you're no longer useful to them, but don't fight back, because then they'll steal your skin. God, I hate the rules of this monster.  You can prevent this hag from stealing your breath by placing a broom beside your bed.

 

They will apparently focus on counting the bristles until the sun comes up, which kind of doesn't make sense, because it only takes like 20 minutes to count to a thousand, so even if your broom has 3, 000 bristles, that will only buy you an hour? Who knows, maybe boo hags are bad at counting. Anyway, thank you to Mr. Pickler for sponsoring this Monster of the Week, and remember to lay off the melatonin. 

 

Our next story is about the annual Christmas tree lighting. Did you know that Witherburn has had a Christmas tree lighting for the last 104? See, the tradition started during World War I when many people didn't buy Christmas trees in order to save resources for the war effort.

 

The town decided that they were going to thank their patriotic townsfolk by making a large Christmas tree that everyone could enjoy. See, now it's turned into quite the annual spectacle, but back then, it was just people putting their homemade ornaments around the tree. Most were made from whatever could be found around the house because, again, the war was going on. 

 

Isn't that lovely?  This year's Christmas tree lighting will be happening tomorrow at 7 o'clock. There will be hot cocoa, live music, games, and much more. If you need something to do with your family this Saturday, then this event is perfect. 

 

You want to know what my Uncle Norman said about Christmas? He said there's a war on it.

That's right, a war. I mean, I've never fought in a battle before, but I have a feeling there are some veterans that would take offense to you comparing targets, employees, saying happy holidays to a war. I mean, a war on Christmas, please. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Uncle Norman, but there are people who, and I know this is shocking, don't celebrate Christmas.

 

I know people think it's some secular holiday that everyone should celebrate, but it's really not. Birdie doesn't celebrate it, but you don't see me over here crying. I mean, she kinda does because she comes to my Christmas stuff, but I come to all her Rosh Hashanah celebrations in the fall. But still, she isn't gonna come to school with a Santa hat and her elf on the shelf. It's just stupid to think that her traditions are worth less than our traditions, you know?

 

 But no, Uncle Norman was having none of it, he is so frustrating. Enough about that. Let's talk about the Little League tryouts coming up. That's right, the Witherburn Batting Bears are holding their tryouts soon, and here's what you need to know.

 

Number one, the tryouts are BYOB. Bring your own bat, there will be a couple of donor bats for those that can't afford one, but don't count on it. Two. There will be two days of tryouts going from 9 a. m. to 12 p. m. The first day will consist of checking the kids speed and stamina, and the second day will test their batting and pitching skills.

 

Most of the tryouts will consist of games, though. Three. Girls can try out too. In fact, it's encouraged, since Witherburn doesn't have a softball team. So, don't worry if your little girl also wants to play ball. Number four, have fun. The coach is going to try to give everyone a spot because he believes every child should be able to enjoy the game of baseball. So don't stress, and do your best. 

 

For our final story, let's discuss Eva Sinninger, and how she brought a weapon to school. Daughter of the infamous Sheriff John Sinanger, she seems to be following in Hunter's footsteps. She decided it was a brilliant idea to bring a knife to school, not a pocket knife either, it was a giant kitchen knife.

 

I mean, it was bigger than my head. I saw it. The only reason she got caught was because it fell out of her backpack. It fell out right in the middle of the passing period too, which means everyone saw it.  We were lucky no one accidentally stepped on the thing. Of course, this means she was just hiding a weapon the rest of the day, which makes me feel a little sick just thinking about it.

 

You wanna know what was the weirdest thing? She cried when it fell out of her backpack. Not because she got caught either, or at least It didn't seem that way because a teacher hadn't come yet. No, it almost felt like she was cracking, it was kind of sad to watch. Of course, Sheriff Sinanger was immediately called, and honestly, I don't know why I thought Eva would get an appropriate punishment.

 

Nope, despite bringing a whole weapon to school, Eva got off with a Saturday detention. Not even a suspension!  To be fair, apparently suspension was the first option but the sheriff managed to talk the principal down from that. Also, he said something to Eva about how this wasn't approved. Yeah, I hope you didn't approve of your child bringing a knife to school.

 

Typically, a person who has a lot of power in this town uses it so their child can get away with literal crimes. No one cares how we rabble feel about a student coming in with a weapon, especially with people disappearing left and right. No, we are supposed to follow the rules while a special few float above them.

 

Now, this begs the question of why she would bring a knife to school. Some have suggested that the missing people have freaked her out and the knife is for safety reasons. I would like to agree, but her dad drives her to and from school in his police cruiser, so it's not the walk home that should scare her.

 

It's also not like she's gonna vanish while in the school bathroom. No, I hate to say it, but I think she brought that knife to hurt someone. Or at least, threaten them. I mean, I know it seems out of character for Eva, who is very outspoken but good natured. Her bringing a knife to school is not something I had on my fall semester bingo card.

 

Anyway, the Sinangers and the Clark’s are hanging out a lot. And I mean a lot. Just last Saturday, the Clark’s had the Sinangers over for dinner, which is why I think Hunter might be influencing her. Convincing her of his mindset, which is that he can get away with anything. I mean, is it that crazy?

 

 I see them talking a lot more in the hallway. Hunter even walks her to class sometimes.  Ew.  Do you think they're dating?  Gross. Also, this is definitely a stunt Hunter would pull, maybe Hunter tried to get her to, like, prove herself or something? Or, or maybe she was trying to impress him by pulling a knife on one of his many, many enemies. That makes it even more frustrating because Sheriff Sinanger should be able to keep the law in his own house.

 

God, I don't think I could handle another Hunter also, the fact that we have to see her at school on Monday? I would be embarrassed if I were her. I mean, I might not even come to school.  That's all the news I have for today. Hopefully no more weapons smugglers appear between now and next week. Make sure you tune in next episode because we will be having a very special guest.

 

I'm the Reporter, signing off.