[Listen]

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[Radio Static]

 

THE REPORTER:

 

Hello, Witherburn! God, I feel like trash. I caught that awful cold everyone's been getting. It feels like half the school called out sick.

 

So many people! My mom even offered to let me stay home. But instead of taking me out, I decided to go right into the giant petri dish that is Witherburn High School. And here I thought I was impenetrable to diseases.

 

Nope, this one had to prove me wrong. It's fine though, the show must go on. Today we will be discussing the library tea time event, the ongoing investigation into local pizzeria Rosemary's meat supplier, and why on earth everyone is getting sick.

 

All that and more coming up on Witherburn Afterschool News.

 

[Theme Music]

It's been a long week, Witherburn, with the memorial and now this flu. I just hope everyone is staying safe and taking care of themselves. Let's get into some of the news stories, though. It's a pretty sparse week for news since most people seem to be sticking at home for multiple obvious reasons.

 

But that doesn't mean there is nothing to report. The library, for instance, is having its annual princess tea time event. This event has been going on for some number of years now, since I was a kid.

 

I remember going there dressed up as Cinderella, my big poofy dress we got from the store with those little plastic heels to boot. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has fond memories of this, and now it's time for a new group of girls to become princesses. Boys too, if your child is between the ages of four and six and would like to be a prince then they are more than welcome to attend.

 

They'll be reading a princess-themed book or fairy tale for the kiddos. You didn't hear this from me, but I'm pretty sure it's Princess and the Pea this year. Once story time is finished, they will have the opportunity to ask questions and chat a bit.

 

It's possible that a certain princess might even make a guest appearance. Once all of that is done, the kids will have access to a tea party full of cookies and cakes. The event is happening February 3rd in the library's conference room and costs $5 to attend, just so the library can cover the cost of food and drinks.

 

They also ask that you sign up at least a week before the event, so they can figure out how much food to buy. Volunteers are also appreciated. I know a couple of juniors and seniors need to get their volunteer hours done in order to graduate, so now's your chance.

 

I promise it's a fun time, so parents, if you're looking for a cheap and memorable way to spend a Saturday with your young children, then I highly suggest you check this out.

 

[Coughing Fit]

 

 This cough is killing me. I'm almost tempted to ask my mom to make her god-awful cough medicine. That's when you know it's bad. It's this old recipe from the 50s where they mix whiskey, honey, and lemon. She swears by it and it works, but at what cost? I know some of y'all are desperate to kick this bug to the curb, so I wouldn't be surprised if you tried it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

 

Our next story is about the local Girl Scout Troop 2304 and how cookie season is back. That's right, you can stock up on your favorite cookies once again. You know, I always try to get a supply that lasts me a whole year, yet it never does.

 

No matter, though, our local supplier is having their first sale in front of Vero's Bait and Tackle. Boxes are $5, which is quite a steep uptick from when I was selling cookies. Inflation has even messed with our cookies. This is truly the darkest timeline.

 

 Now remember, supplies are limited, so make sure you get it while you can. You can also ask for your cookies to be delivered, which will take longer, but at least you can be guaranteed your favorite sweets.

 

Also, and I don't want to start any fights between the members of Troop 2304, but I know that the highest seller in the county gets an iPad Pro. And AirPods. Jeez, I never got any of those good prizes.

 

I usually just won a pencil case. Anyway, all that is to say that if you have a special Girl Scout in your life, whether that's a niece or a little cousin, then make sure you buy your cookies from them. Who knows, maybe they could sell enough to win the grand prize of... ...a trip to Japan.

 

Listener's question, but is it too late for me to rejoin Girl Scouts? Yeah, probably. But let's move on and talk about this cold going around. People are calling it the Festive Flu, yet I am feeling anything but festive.

 

It seems to have gotten its name because it was acquired during the holidays and has been spreading like wildfire since then. It also seems to be spreading from the school. I mean, it's like everyone who walks in there walks out with a cough.

 

No one really knows who Patient Zero was, but it's assumed it was someone who was visiting family out of town because no one was feeling like this on Christmas. To Patient Zero, I have a few things to say. You couldn’t just stay home for a few days, huh? Did you purposefully doom the whole town to your fate? Or did you think your actions lacked consequences? Did you think you could take a vitamin D and be fine? No hate.

 

Well, a little hate, but I get it. We are all pressured to leave the house when we're sick, whether that's to earn perfect attendance at school, or because we don't have any PTO days at work, or... If I keep going, I'm gonna get on a soap-box, so let's get back to the story at hand. The festive flu isn't actually the flu, it's a cold, which means you can't just take medication and call it a day.

 

It also has symptoms that vary. Some people are experiencing a nasty cough, some have a stuffy nose, and some have a fever, some have aches and pains, and some are feeling nausea. It's really, really fun.

 

Doctors recommend that the only way to really kick a cold is to rest up and let your immune system work its magic. There are some things that can help make you feel better while your body fights this cold. Soups and nutritious meals, for example, give your body the vitamins and minerals it needs.

 

Also, don't be afraid to sleep in, catch up on your favorite show, but don't work. I know, I'm a hypocrite, but seriously, even paperwork can drain you. Finally, treat yourself.

 

Make some dessert, pour yourself some tea, and draw yourself a bath. Reward your body for all of its hard work. Rest up Wither burn and try not to get sick.

 

Actually, that's a perfect segue into our Monster of the Week, another one brought to you by Mr. Pickler. Except this monster wasn't attacking him. At first, at least.

 

Which is a shocking change of pace. Mr. Pickler was walking down back home around sunset and claims to have seen a tall figure outside of Mr. John's house. Apparently, it was stationed right in front of his window, where Mr. John was being cared for by his wife.

 

The figure looked somewhat like a frail, older man. Mr. Pickler said that even through its shirt, he could see the notches of its spine as it bent down to look inside. Its skin clung to its body, making it look wilted.

 

All in all, it just looked like it was a walking skeleton. As it was looking through the window, it began waving its slender hand at Mr. John. The hand apparently looked strikingly similar to a talon, with its bony fingers and long nails.

 

Then, as Mr. Pickler was watching, he realized something. This creature had to bend down to look into the window. And if this creature had to bend down to look in, then it was at least ten feet tall.

 

The realization made him gasp, which alerted the creature to his presence. It snapped its head around, and Mr. Pickler said it looked like it had its head on backwards. Its mouth was filled with sharp teeth, and there was blood smeared around its jaw.

 

He said its eyes looked inhuman. They stared at him so intensely, it was like they were going to pop out of this thing's head. The creature then stood up, confirming what Mr. Pickler thought about its height.

 

But as soon as it stood up, Mr. Pickler could hear it- hear its bones crack, crack, crack. Mr. Pickler decided to cut his losses and run. As he was running, he heard what sounded like distorted crow's calls coming from behind him.

 

He said it was like if a bird's call went through a woodchipper. And it just kept getting closer and closer until it stopped. He made it home and didn't hear anything else for the rest of the night.

 

I have heard of this creature, listeners, but I've never heard about anyone seeing it. It kind of goes against the original lore. The creature that I believe Mr. Pickler saw is the Ravenmacher.

 

The Ravenmacher is a creature from mostly Cherokee folklore, though some other tribes have similar myths. It's said to prey on the sick and dying, using whatever life their victims have left to extend their own, which is a little disturbing, considering Mr. John has been bedridden since he started chemo. They are said to stalk their prey before killing them, yet the only people who can see the creature are the sick person and the medicine man.

 

They will transform into a raven, and the only hint they will give to everyone that they are there is a distorted raven's call, hence the name Ravenmacher. Some stories say they taunt their victim, others say they try to stay unseen. Until one night, while the person is alone, it creeps in.

 

It takes its long, talon-like fingers, reaches down your throat, and pulls out your intestines to eat them, leaving nothing but an empty husk in the morning. There is a way to stop them, though. Having a medicine man watching over you will prevent them from attacking.

 

In fact, in some versions of the legend, seeing a Ravenmacher drains them of any remaining life, killing them almost instantly. Now, because it's almost impossible for people to see a Ravenmacher, it doesn't have a lot of descriptions, but some pretty common traits are that it's tall, it has glaring eyes, and talon-like fingers. Other traits vary from story to story.

 

Now, do I think Mr. Pickler saw a Ravenmacher? No, because even if it was real, he isn't sick or a medicine man. In all honesty, it sounds like he saw a human waving to Mr. John through his window, probably because he couldn't come inside due to this flu going around, social distancing, and all that. Mr. Pickler probably let his imagination get the best of him... again.

 

So what exactly is new? Now for our final story about Rosemary's Pizzeria. Rumor has long been going around that the pizza chain uses D-grade meat, specifically in their calzones. Witherburn residents have been telling this story for a while now.

 

Even my mom remembers hearing it during her childhood. I mean, I kind of get it. Their pizzas are amazing, but their calzones? Mediocre on a good day.

 

It's no wonder silly teens jump to conclusions or that they eagerly run to the rumor mill after a bad meal. But if you know anything about food supply chain or process, you would know that using lower-grade meat for one specific item could actually end up costing a company more, and it's not very practical. But we are nothing if not investigative reporters.

 

So I sent Birdie on a very special mission to uncover the truth about Rosemary's, and I will tell you our findings are quite interesting, and we learned about a lot more than just the quality of pepperoni. So here's where it started. Birdie managed to get into the kitchen area.

 

I will not reveal how she did this, but trust me, she made it to the kitchen. She took samples of all the toppings and put them in plastic baggies. I will note to listeners that the toppings were not separated for calzones and pizzas, so that kind of kills the theory, but we continue on.

 

She took the samples home and did tests on them. Don't ask me what tests, because I don't know, but they revealed it was all A-grade meat. Their calzones just suck.

 

I don't know. Get a new recipe. However, Birdie did figure out something very interesting.

 

While talking to the workers, she learned that April Calloway came into Rosemary's on the day she went missing. This isn't that shocking, since Rosemary's is right across the street from the Calloways, but what is shocking is that the police never came to question possibly the last people who saw April. They said she seemed nervous, but not frightened.

 

She also claimed that she had this strange feeling that someone was watching her, ever since her last ride of the day. One of the workers offered to walk her home, but she declined. She said she didn't want to bother the workers, and it was only a five-minute walk to her house.

 

I mean, it's a little disturbing to think about, that a five-minute walk could decide whether or not a mother sees her child. It's such gross negligence, but I'm not even surprised anymore. This is just another instance where people suffered because Sheriff Sinanger can't do his job.

 

It almost makes me wonder if they are hiding something. I mean, this could crack the case wide open. If we get the time, and maybe a security camera, who knows what we might see.

 

See, this is why the police need to do their due diligence, because the workers told them about seeing April. They just never followed up. I wonder if I could just get a hold of that security footage, then maybe I could just-

 

[Explosion]

 

Jesus, what was that? There's a strange glow in the distance.

 

[Sirens] 

 

What on God's green earth is that?

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[Phone rings]

 

BIRDIE:

 

 It's Miss Calloway's house! I'm at Rosemary's! I see it! Birdie, calm down. It's on fire! Her car is still in the driveway! The fire is so big, and no one is coming out of the house!

 

THE REPORTER:

 Oh my God, okay. Shit.

 

Wait. She's visiting her sister today. The ladies on Newberry's porch told me they saw Mrs. Calloway's sister picking her up. She's fine! No one's in the house. 

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BIRDIE: 

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fuck, oh God. Okay, I need to sit down.

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THE REPORTER:

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Yeah, she's okay. Did you call the fire department? I can get my mom to text Mrs. Calloway. 

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BIRDIE:

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Yes, the Rosemary workers called it in, but it wasn't a normal fire.

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THE REPORTER:

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What do you mean?

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BIRDIE:

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I saw someone, a girl maybe, sneaking around her house. It was like an hour ago. They put something by her air conditioner. I didn't really think about it. I mean, do you think?

 

 

THE REPORTER:

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 Are you saying someone tried to kill Mrs. Calloway? It could be, I mean- Wait, if someone tried to kill Mrs. Calloway- Someone tried to kill Mrs. Calloway and now knows someone at Rosemary's saw them, I'm coming to get you!

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BIRDIE: 

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You don't need to come and get me. I can get home.

It's not that far.

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THE REPORTER:

 

Nope, not up for discussion. I'm coming to get you.

I'll call you when I'm getting close. I hate to leave y'all so soon, but I promise we will discuss this next time. Good night, Witherburn, stay safe 

I'm the Reporter signing off.