[Listen]

 

[Radio Static]

 

THE REPORTER:

 

 Hello, Witherburn! Boy, school hits hard after that long summer break. I know I'm still not used to waking up at the buttcrack of dawn, but hey, it has to be done. I can tell no one else is used to this schedule either, considering the amount of coffee I see in the morning. If the school isn't careful, they're gonna have a whole generation of this town addicted to caffeine, but enough about groggy mornings. There is a lot of exciting talk this week from gators to graffiti, and I'm here to discuss it all. I'm the reporter, and this is Witherburn Afterschool News.

 

[Theme Music]

 

Our first story tonight is filled with intrigue, as some neighborhood children found a two foot alligator at the local pool earlier this week. Luckily, no one jumped in before the proper authorities managed to detain it. I'm sure most of you already know that the alligator has been removed and sent to the Reptile Center, which rescues animals and uses them to help educate children about local wildlife.

 

But, what most people don't know is that the same local children that found the gator also made a petition to free it. They claim that Patricia, that's what they named the alligator, deserves to be placed back in the wild with her family. They even made a hashtag. #FreePatricia, which is... Dear lord, it's actually trending on Twitter? And Tiktok! Oh my god, middle schoolers are terrifying. The group calls themselves the Merry Band of Misfits and claims that we, as a society, need to stop bothering and demonizing animals like Patricia. You know, just because she's able to tear us to shreds. They claim it wasn't her fault that she was in the local pool and that, if anything, it's the town hall's fault because they built this pool in gator territory.

 

Listeners, This whole town is in gator territory. Some of you might be wondering why these kids reported the alligator if they didn't want to detain it. Well, they answered on their Twitter, posting, “We reported Patricia because she was in a public pool. She could hurt herself or others. When we reported her, we expected her to be released back into the local swamp. Clearly, that didn't happen.” The Merry Band have told the Mayor and the Reptile Center that they have two weeks to free Patricia, or else they will take matters into their own hands. The Center, nor the Mayor, have made any attempts to set Patricia free, and it seems like Witherburn, along with half the internet, is going to find out what happens when this Merry Band takes charge. At least younger people are being politically active, I think. 

 

Local sweetheart Amelia Farrow-Garcia has announced that she is giving a free ballet lesson to any children in Witherburn that want to come. Known mostly for her academic accomplishments, Amelia has also been recognized for her skills as a ballerina at, not just the local level, but the state level as well.

 

Amelia claims that her goal is to make this style of dance more accessible to the children of Witherburn and to encourage children to try new things. Especially in the arts. This is what she had to say. 

 

AMELIA FARROW-GARCIA:

 

I know that dancing has opened many doors for me. It allows me to express myself and I'm forever grateful for it. But I also know ballet is a competitive world that doesn't always open its doors to everyone. I want to give these kids the opportunity to experience ballet and be a small part in making this dance available to everyone. 

 

THE REPORTER:

 

Isn't that sweet, listeners? If your child is interested, then all you have to do is show up at Madame Grant's Ballet Academy at 4 o'clock Saturday, August 21st. Amelia encourages everyone to wear suitable workout clothing and tennis shoes and suggests you bring a water bottle. I just, I want to give my thanks to Amelia for this genuinely sweet gesture. Who knows, maybe we'll have a town full of ballerinas soon. 

 

Speaking of announcements, Town Hall's Activity Committee has just announced that Witherburn will be hosting a Harvest Festival this year. We actually used to host an annual Harvest Festival around 40 years ago, but we stopped because parents made the claims that the Harvest Festival Invited bad spirits, but that was also in the middle of the satanic panic So take those rumors with a grain of salt It's already caused a bit of ruckus with some of the older generations though who still believe that the Harvest Festival is for lack of a better word, cursed. Though most of the town is excited to bring back an old tradition, it will have a cake walk, pumpkin carving, as well as a corn maze along with many other fun fall activities. Perfect for a fall day out with the family. A date has not been chosen yet, but a sign up has been made for vendors. Sign up soon so you can reserve your spot.

 

Witherburn's wannabe streamer, Chris Breckenridge, who is demanding to be called by his hand old Dyce, And I just need listeners to know that Dyce is spelled with a Y. Just thought that would paint a picture. Anyways, he is calling for Witherburn to make an eSports team. Now, I'm actually all for this eSports team. I'm not gonna sit here and bash the world of eSports and, honestly, I find it all quite interesting. What I do have a problem with is the fact that Christoph- Dyce is planning on using this team just to grow his audience. A little birdie told me that he was in the hallway with his friends bragging about how when they win the state championship then his sub count will grow for sure.

 

He also made the claims that it doesn't matter who joins the team because he is the Pog champion and will carry them. Now, I don't know exactly what that means, but it sure doesn't sound good. Dyce needs at least 10 individuals to create an official eSports team at school, and so far he only has two people signed up. So, I'm not liking his chances, but I could be proven wrong. Good luck to Dyce. I will never not hate having to call him that.

 

Now, on to our main story. Mysterious graffiti has been popping up all over town. Some spots this perpetrator keeps hitting are the local library, Mr. Farrow's Bait Shop, and the Bog Monster Bar.

 

Even when these places paint over or wash off this graffiti, the same message will be back only a day or two later. Though, message might be a strong word for this, because this graffiti seems to be a strange combination of letters. The local library keeps getting hit with O, L, J, K, W, V, L, Q, W, K, H, Q, L, J, K, W.

 

The bait shop keeps being vandalized with V, W, D, O, N, B, R, X. And the writing on the bar is W, D, N, H, B, R, X. And that's just... So weird, right? Because it's not small graffiti, it's massive and usually covers the entire walls of these buildings. So to have this obvious graffiti and not even make a statement out of it, it just seems strange.

 

Though these aren't the only places that have been affected by this. They are just the only places with repeated offenses. Other places that have been vandalized are the diner, town hall, and the marina. The town hall has video evidence of the crime, and in the video, one person in a black hood and jeans can be seen. They're holding a flashlight and a spray can. Sadly, no one can be identified in the security footage. Maisy Samson, owner of the Bog Monster Bar, also claims to have seen a hooded figure by the back of her business around 3 a. m. when she was heading home for the night. She tried to go after them and presumably tell them to knock it off, but they ran into the woods and Miss Samson couldn't keep up. Mayor Michael Burnham has suggested a neighborhood watch in order to catch the assailants. 

 

MAYOR MICHAEL BURNHAM:

 

Now see, this is how it starts. First, it's a little bit of graffiti, and all of a sudden they are robbing cars and stores, and soon enough the whole town has gone haywire. I will not allow for Witherburn to go down this dark road. Not while I'm mayor. 

 

THE REPORTER:

 

Now, one could argue that some bored teens aren't going to cause Witherburn to turn into a town of crime, but hey, I'm just an anonymous radio host, so who cares what I think. Some people have said that this is a job for the police department, not the townspeople. Mr. Farrow has told some of his regular customers, and I quote, “I have a business to run.

 

I have bait to catch. I'm up at four o'clock and I don't go home till the sun goes down. I don't have time to be roaming around trying to catch some hooligans.” But Sheriff Sinninger disagrees and has said “They are busy solving the real crimes. They have to do the important work in this town, and that work isn't chasing down a bunch of rambunctious teens writing gibberish.”

 

Clearly, the entire town wants to fix this problem, yet they can't decide how. Listeners, I

 

[Phone ping]

 

Listeners, I just got reports that graffiti was found at the school. This message was found on that large windowless wall by the football field, and it, oh dear, it's in large red letters that apparently, suspiciously, look like blood, and it says, “Monsters are here”. That's, that's interesting. The vandalism has been reported to the police, and they should be on their way over to check it out.

 

Apparently, there is a worry that it's a threat to the school, but most likely it's nothing. Either way, the school board has called an emergency meeting on whether or not to cancel school on Monday. Wow. Talk about a last minute development. Anyways, if you see anything suspicious or if you happen to know any information, please go to the town website and report it. You can also sign up for the neighborhood watch if you so desire. Anything helps the town figure out this little mystery. 

 

Our final segment is, you guessed it, Monster of the Week, brought to you by Mr. Pickler. Mr. Pickler sent this very long message over Facebook and tagged the local hunting club. “I saw a giant black!”

 

[cough]

 

Yeah, I was gonna try and do Mr. Pickler's voice. Let's just not talk about that pitiful attempt again. Ok? Anyways, Mr. Pickler said, “I saw a giant black cat in those woods yesterday. It had eyes that looked into your soul. It was as big as my four wheeler. You gotta go out there and catch that thing.”

 

Today is more of a niche monster, but it's a personal favorite of mine because my grandfather used to tell me stories about it. It's not a monster that you can easily find online, and its story is mostly passed down orally, like how my grandfather shared it with me. With all that being said, the monster Mr. Pickler is talking about seems to be the Black Panther. The story that I know of this beast is that it's a large panther that stalks in the night and will steal your dogs and chickens.

 

Sometimes it will stalk people, and my grandfather even claimed that one tried to attack him. They are apparently spotted in the woods often, and many people after seeing them claim to have a feeling of being watched. Cryptozoologists and zoologists both claim the Black Panther isn't actually a panther, which, wow, those people actually agree on something. Though, zoologists claim the best explanation for the Black Panther sightings is that black jaguars are being spotted as they move away from their native territory in Mexico. And cryptozoologists claim that it's actually a new undiscovered species that needs to be caught and brought in for research.

 

Bad news for my grandfather and Mr. Pickler, but it seems like there's no hard evidence that any such animal exists, though I think it's worth talking about this interesting bit of southern urban legend, which almost feels like a last bit of oral tradition that has survived in this new age of technology and information.

 

It's kind of amazing that everyone who has heard of this creature knows a different story about it because someone named Crypticguy420 hasn't made some stupid creature Wikipedia page about it. In fact, my friend was telling me about how their mom had always said the Black Panther was more of a spirit sent to punish farmers. Which is just such a wildly different story from what I know, but I can also see how they're the same legend. I think the fact that the stories are so different is what gives this monster life. You know? I’m rambling, aren't I? No one cares to hear me babble about oral tradition, so I'll wrap this up.

 

Witherburn, it's been a crazy week, but that's all the news I have for- Wait. Wait, wait. That is so so stupid. Um, small update about the eSports team, apparently there's a full roster now. According to Chris, my “stupid radio show only convinced people to join so they can leech off my sweet, sweet Twitch clout. Suck it.” I will admit, I didn't expect people to join just because there is a small chance of Chris getting internet famous. But I also feel like this is yet another prime example of me not understanding, and underestimating my own generation.I mean, I still think it's stupid, but also this proves I'm an outlier in my opinion. 

 

With that frankly bizarre twist out of the way, I will give my goodbyes. This is all the news I have for today. I hope you enjoyed today's after school news and that you will join us next time. This is The Reporter, signing off.