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[Radio Static]

 

THE REPORTER:

 

Hello, Witherburn. It's been a tough week for our local high schoolers, and let me tell you, I am glad it's over. Any student in high school right now knows that this week was crunch week, with the history, science, and English department all having tests. Seriously, why do they always do that? I mean, they should have a law or something, that you can't have more than two tests a week for your core classes.

 

It doesn't matter, though, because it's all over now. The weekend has finally arrived, so we can rest and relax. Moving on to the news, we can see that it's been a unique week. We have some news coming from the school, particularly news about a certain Hunter Clark, which I will be first to say is very scary, considering the strange graffiti left on the school last week.

 

We also have lighter news though, like the ongoing raccoon problem, along with tips on how to prevent it, all that coming up on Witherburn after school News.

 

[Theme music]

 

We'll start with our main story. Hunter Clark, spawn of the infamous Clark family started yelling in the middle of the agricultural science class. I have managed to get audio of what people are calling a massive breakdown, but before I show you this audio, I would like to give you some context. The agricultural science class, as many of you already know, is filled with farmer's children. Many of them plan to start working on the family farm right after high school. Hunter Clark is in the class because his family buys out much of the town's farmland, but instead of working on the land themselves, they hire other people to run it for them. This is how the Clark family notoriously became the richest family in town, because they buy land with offers that farmers can't refuse.

 

This week, the class had presentations on the history of farming within Witherburn, and one girl, Rachel Brown, had a presentation on her family's long history as farmers in the area. She then made a joke, the joke that set Hunter off, about how her family had refused the Clark's offer for land. A couple of witnesses quoted her as saying, “Despite the efforts of a certain affluent family, we still own and operate our own farm. I bet we even taught them a well needed lesson, that money can't buy everything.” After that comment is when Hunter started screaming and I'll let you listen to the rest of that incident. 

 

HUNTER:

 

You're a bitch, you know that?

 

TEACHER:

 

Hunter! 

 

HUNTER:

 

Actually, you're all fucking heathens. You wanna laugh at my family? I own you. We own all of you. And if we wanted you gone, then you'd all be gone. And you're fucking laughing? Fuck all of you. 

 

[Door slamming]

 

THE REPORTER:

 

There you have it, folks. The great Hunter Clark showing everyone how the smallest thing can set him off. If you ask me, the boy needs to learn how to control his temper. This is not the first time Hunter has had a breakdown in class, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Many Witherburn students already know that Hunter has quite the reputation. Just some examples of what he’s done before are when he pulled a knife on a boy behind the school or that time he was caught smoking weed in shop class, or even just last month when he was caught taking pictures of girls around the school without their knowledge. But he hasn't been disciplined by the school due to his family status yet. So, chances are that won't change just because he blew up in ag class. 

 

And, this is why I talk against the Clark family so much. They all think they can get away with whatever they want. Seriously, this family ignores the law and order of this town so often that we don't even bat an eye anymore. I know, I know, I sound like a broken record to my consistent audience members, but they just make me so frustrated. I'm here to report on news though, not give my unwanted opinion about the Clarks. So, to wrap up this story, the Clark parents reportedly have met with Principal Hutchen, though there has been no sign of discipline for these actions. What a surprise. 

 

Football season is starting and, Witherburn, our team is looking at a winning season this year. With the possibility of state even being thrown around. Now listeners, I am not the biggest sports fan, but I'll still show some school spirit every once in a while and wish the team good luck for the season. I mean, even I can tell the roster is looking good with Bo Stoker being the first string quarterback, Kennedy Golder being the headline man, and in a surprising twist, Hannah Golder being the starting kicker.

 

Honestly, y'all, I didn't expect Witherburn to be the first in the district to have a girl on the football team, but I will also welcome the nice surprise. And, let's talk about Hannah for a moment, shall we? 

 

She's caused a bit of ruckus in town, but most of it's good. She even got a shoutout from her church's pastor this Sunday, though not all of it has been great since some of the more sexist people of the town have taken to Facebook, Mr. Sutton, I'm looking at you, to say that girls shouldn't play football because it's a “man's sport”. Mr. Sutton, there are so many things to get mad about and high school football isn't one of them. So I think I speak for everyone when I say, you need to get off Facebook. 

 

Anyways, Hannah does play forward on the women's soccer team and has led that team to two district championships. She is well known as the strongest kicker on the team, so I guess it's no surprise that the football team saw her as a good fit since their main kicker graduated last year. Her brother is rumored to have encouraged her to join, and people said they have been practicing all summer. Now, for all the women's soccer fans out there, don't worry. Hannah still plans on playing this spring season. So, maybe she'll bring home two district championships this year. Again, good luck to Hannah, and good luck to the rest of the team. 

 

There is a raccoon problem in Witherburn. I mean, when is there not? But this time it's actually becoming a problem. Residents are waking up to find trash scattered around their yard, raccoon families in their garage, and running outside to find their pets decide to get into a tussle with one of these creatures.

 

One woman even claimed that a raccoon stole her wedding ring. You might be wondering, “What has caused this dramatic increase in this sneaky pest?” Well, local wildlife officials are saying that the increase of food being left outside from summer activities could be a cause. Also, the recent development of some of the nearby woods could be chasing them out of their habitat.

 

No matter what has brought them into your garbage and garages, I'm sure you want them gone. So, here are some tips on how to prevent raccoons from wreaking havoc on your property. 

 

Tip 1. Secure your trash cans. You can do this by taping them closed at night, or you can buy raccoon proof lids from places like Farrow’s.

 

Tip 2. Get a few tennis balls and soak them in ammonia. Place them in places you don't want them scrounging around. 

 

Tip 3. Plant cucumber. Raccoons hate the smell of them, and also, you'll have cucumbers.

 

Tip four. Install motion detecting lights to scare them off. 

 

And finally, tip five. Buy coyote blood and circle it around your property right before sunset. Raccoons will smell the scent of the coyote and never go near your yard again. 

 

Personally, I didn't know that raccoons hate cucumber. For any green thumbs out there, this seems like a handy trick. Good luck stopping those raccoons, Witherburn. 

 

Now, for everyone's favorite segment, Monster of the Week. This week is actually surprising because it doesn't come from Mr. Pickler, but instead from Rachel Brown. You see, Rachel was walking home last night after band practice when she started to feel like she was being followed. She looked into the woods and noticed these floating lights that she claimed followed her and got closer to her as she continued to walk home. Finally, once the lights reached the tree line, she decided to book it home, which... Thankfully was only a few streets away. Once she got home, she immediately got onto her class group chat, and what I'm about to read to you is the conversation that went down. 

 

Rachel- Okay guys, that joke was not funny. Whoever pulled that shit needs to fess up now. 

 

Student- Rachel, what are you talking about? 

 

Rachel- y'all don't play dumb. I know two of y'all were following me in the woods with lights. It's really not funny, especially with everything going on. 

 

Student- We didn't do that, Rachel. Are you high or something?

 

Rachel- I'm not high! I saw lights out there. 

 

Now, Witherburn, I have to admit that this was a hard monster to pin, but I'm thinking what Rachel saw were the infamous Brown Mountain Lights. These lights are found in North Carolina, which, admittedly, is much farther north than us, but these lights are still an iconic piece of Appalachian lore, so who knows, maybe they traveled further south.

 

Now, legends of these lights go back as far as the pre colonial period, with many indigenous people telling stories and warnings about these mysterious orbs. Now listeners, depending on who you ask, these lights are either nefarious or simply ghosts of the past. Some stories say it's a vengeful spirit of a murdered wife who follows men who hurt their wives into the woods where she kills them. But many say she has trouble telling good men from bad. This version of the legend sounds like Rachel's account, except Rachel isn't a man. 

 

The story that I've heard is that the Brown Mountain Lights are sort of like the Willow of the Wisps from Scots Irish folklore. This makes sense since the Appalachian region is filled with Scots Irish immigrants. 

 

Though, the most popular belief is that these lights are simply ghosts walking the mountainside. Whether it's the ghost of two friends or the ghost of two lovers, the story varies, but most people seem to view them as harmless. 

 

See, isn't it interesting how this one phenomenon can create so many legends, and legends that have been told for centuries? 

 

[Papers rustling]

 

I mean, I have so many notes on these lights. But, if I was to read all of them, then this segment would go on for over an hour. Anyways, though the legends are interesting, there are a few logical explanations to these lights. One theory is that it's just swamp gas, lighting itself up during the night. Which doesn't make much sense near Brown Mountain, but for us, that live near the swamp then, this theory actually holds some weight. Another theory is that it's ball lightning, which is extremely rare and I would be shocked if that's what Rachel saw. Then, the final theory is that the brown mountain lights are just campers. And I think it would make sense if that's what Rachel saw. It's still technically summer, and campers aren't uncommon in this area. Mystery solved! Thanks to Rachel for sponsoring this segment. Hopefully, she doesn't make a habit out of it. 

 

The Spanish Moss Diner is hiring. They want someone who can work the late shifts. Some of the skills they are looking for are things like the ability to think on their feet, strong memory, and people skills. They also want someone who is willing to get a little dirty and doesn't mind cleaning or helping out in the kitchen once in a while. 

 

The owner has said that they need this extra hand at the diner because more people are starting to order out and it's causing the overall workload to be a bit more than they can handle.If they had this extra hand, then it would make things around the restaurant go a lot smoother, so if you're looking for a job or simply some extra cash, think about applying. 

 

Now, a little Birdie has told me the latest gossip coming from Miss Newberry's Porch is that Maisy, owner of the Bog Monster Bar, might have a boyfriend.

 

Apparently, the older women that hang out on the porch have seen her walking into the bar with fresh flowers from Mrs. Calloway's. And, according to Miss Newberry herself, she once saw her coming into work in a car that wasn't hers. Isn't that interesting? I do have to wonder if Maisy is trying to keep this a secret, or if she just simply hasn't bothered to tell anyone.

 

Both are fine, sometimes you want to take a relationship slow, and telling everyone about it can cause unnecessary pressure, but coming to work with flowers and someone else's car was certain to cause rumors. Meaning that if this is a secret relationship, then they weren't exactly hiding it well. 

 

And, don't tell me that Maisy can't keep a secret. We all know that the only reason there aren't more rumors flying around this town is because Maisy doesn't tell everyone's drunken secrets. So the fact that she would be this bad at keeping her own doesn't sit right with me. I just feel like we're missing something. Maybe a new piece of evidence will reveal itself in a week or two. But that's all the news I have for you today. Hopefully next time we'll have news on if Hunter faces any repercussions, and hopefully you can stop those raccoons from bothering you. Don't forget to tune in next week. I'm the Reporter, signing off.